What is domestic abuse and VAWG

Domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviour on the part of the abuser designed to control his partner. It can happen at any point in a relationship, including after you have split up.

Anyone forced to change their behaviour because they are frightened of their partner or ex-partner’s reaction is experiencing abuse, it can happen to anyone, regardless of age, background, gender, religion, sexuality or ethnicity. However, statistics show most domestic abuse is carried out by men and experienced by women.

Domestic abuse is never the fault of the person who is experiencing it.

Domestic abuse is a crime.

Forms of domestic abuse

Psychological abuse

Includes name-calling, threats and manipulation, blaming you for the abuse or ‘gas-lighting’ you.

Economic abuse

Controlling your access to money or resources. He might take your wages, stop you working, or put you in debt.

Sexual abuse

Doesn’t have to be physical. He might manipulate or coerce you into doing things you don’t want to do.

Coercive control

When an abuser uses a pattern of behaviour over time to exert power and control. It is a criminal offence.

Physical abuse

Not only hitting. He might restrain you or throw objects. He might pinch or shove you and claim it’s a ‘joke’.

Tech abuse

He might send abusive texts, demand access to your devices, track you with spyware, or share images of you online. 

Recognising domestic abuse

Does your partner, ex-partner or someone you live with:

• cut you off from family and friends and intentionally isolate you?
• bully, threaten, or control you?
• take control of your finances?
• monitor or limit your use of technology?
• physically and/or sexually abuse you?

Domestic abuse is not always physical violence. It can also include:

• coercive control and ‘gaslighting’
• economic abuse
• online abuse
• threats and intimidation
• emotional abuse
• sexual abuse

Anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse, regardless of gender, age, ethnicity, religion, socio-economic status, sexuality or background. If you believe that you are a victim of domestic abuse, there are signs that you can look out for including:

• being withdrawn, or being isolated from your family and friends
• having bruises, burns or bite marks on you
• having your finances controlled, or not being given enough to buy food, medication or pay bills
• not being allowed to leave your house, or stopped from going to college or work
• having your internet or social media use monitored, or someone else reading your texts, emails or letters
• being repeatedly belittled, put down or told you are worthless
• being pressured into sex or sexual contact
• being told that abuse is your fault, or that you’re overreacting

Are still unsure if you or someone else is suffering domestic abuse? You can visit Safe Space for victims of domestic abuse and complete a short survey that will help you identify if the behaviours you are experiencing are domestic abuse.

More information and support

National Domestic Abuse Helpline

Stalking and harassment is when someone repeatedly behaves in a way that makes you feel scared, distressed or threatened.

Harassment

Harassment is unwanted behaviour that has happened more than once.

Harassment may include:

• bullying at school or in the workplace
• cyber stalking (using the internet to harass someone)
• antisocial behaviour
• sending abusive text messages
• sending unwanted gifts
• unwanted phone calls, letters, emails or visits

Sexual harassment

Sexual harassment is the unwanted behaviour, that:

• violates your dignity
• creates an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment (this includes the digital environment, online)

Some examples of sexual harassment would include:

• sexual comments, jokes or gestures
• staring or leering at your body
• using names like ’slut’ or ‘whore’
• unwanted sexual communications, like emails, texts, DMs
• sharing sexual photos or videos>
• groping and touching
• someone exposing themselves
• pressuring you to do sexual things or offering you something in exchange for sex

Some of these are also forms of sexual or indecent assault.

Stalking

Stalking is a pattern of persistent and unwanted attention that makes you feel pestered, scared, anxious or harassed.

The four warning signs of stalking:

• fixated
• obsessive
• unwanted>
• repeated

Stalking may include:

• regularly following someone
• repeatedly going uninvited to their home
• checking someone’s internet use, email or other electronic communication
• hanging around somewhere they know the person often visits
• interfering with their property
• watching or spying on someone
• identity theft (signing-up to services, buying things in someone's name)

It's stalking if the unwanted behaviour has happened more than once.

Online stalking and harassment

Social networking sites, chat rooms, gaming sites and other forums are often used to stalk and harass someone, for example:

• to get personal information
• to communicate (calls, texts, emails, social media, creating fake accounts)
• damaging the reputation
• spamming and sending viruses
• tricking other internet users into harassing or threatening
• identity theft
• threats to share private information, photographs, copies of messages

More information and support

National Stalking Helpline
Telephone: 0808 802 0300
Monday to Friday, 9:30am to 4pm (except Wednesday 1pm to 4pm)
Find out about call charges

You can also contact:

Protection Against Stalking

All rape and sexual assault is serious.

Rape

Rape is when a person intentionally penetrates another's vagina, anus or mouth with a penis, without the other person's consent.

Assault by penetration is when a person penetrates another person's vagina or anus with any part of the body other than a penis, or by using an object, without the person's consent.

Sexual or indecent assault

Sexual or indecent assault is an act of physical, psychological and emotional violation in the form of a sexual act, inflicted on someone without their consent. It can involve forcing or manipulating someone to witness or participate in any sexual acts.

More information and support

• Information on Rape and Sexual Assault from the Metropolitan Police
• The National Domestic Violence helpline – 0808 2000 247
• The Sexual Violence Helpline – 0808 801 0660

Honour-based abuse is a term given to a crime or incident committed to protect or defend perceived cultural and religious beliefs or the ‘honour’ of a family or community. For example, honour-based abuse might be committed against people who:

• become involved with a boyfriend or girlfriend from a different culture or religion
• wants to get out of an arranged or forced marriage
• wear clothes or take part in activities that might not be considered as ‘traditional’

These incidents can affect all cultures, faith groups and communities. Women are usually more at risk of victimisation and examples of violence include:

• murder
• fear of or actual forced marriage
• controlling sexual activity
• kidnapping
• false imprisonment
• threats to kill
• assault
• harassment
• forced abortion

A forced marriage is where one or both spouses do not feel they can say ‘no’ to getting married.

At the moment, 16 and 17-year-olds can marry with the permission of their parents, but charities have long warned that this loophole makes it too easy for young people to be coerced into marriage.

Arranged marriage is very different from a forced marriage. In an arranged marriage, both parties enter into the marriage freely. The families involved may take a leading role in arranging the marriage and this usually includes the choice of partner, but the choice of whether or not to accept the arrangements remains with the couple.

Forced marriage is illegal in the UK.

Pressure to marry can come in many forms including:

• physical violence or threats
• abuse
• harassment
• emotional pressure
• blackmail
• financial
• sexual
• accusations of bringing disgrace and dishonour onto the family or community.

More information and support

• Iranian and Kurdish Women's Rights Organisation: 020 7920 6460
• Asian Women’s Resource Centre: 020 8961 5701
• Brent Hestia: 020 8733 3751
• Government information on forced marriage: 020 7008 0151 - Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm or email: fmu@fco.gov.uk

Female genital mutilation (FGM), sometimes also known as female circumcision or female genital cutting, is defined by the World Health Organisation (WHO) as "all procedures involving partial or total removal of the external female genitalia or other injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons".

It is an extremely harmful practice with significant health consequences for women and girls; some girls die as a direct result of the procedure and women who have undergone FGM are likely to experience difficulty in childbirth. FGM is internationally recognised as a violation of the human rights of girls and women.

Under the Female Genital Mutilation Act 2003 it is illegal to:

• practice FGM in the UK
• take girls who are British nationals or permanent residents of the UK abroad for FGM whether or not it is lawful in that country
• aid, abet, counsel or procure the carrying out of FGM abroad.

If you suspect a girl in Brent is at risk from FGM, you should contact Brent Family Front Door on 020 8937 4300.

More information and support

• FORWARD - (the Foundation for Women's Health Research and Development)
• Local Safeguarding Children Board

There is a lot of evidence to show that prostitution is harmful to the:

• women directly involved
• women in general
• men who buy women in prostitution
• families
• wider communities 

People become involved in prostitution for a variety of reasons such as homelessness, child sexual abuse, mental ill health, trauma, previous sexual violence, drug and alcohol misuse, money pressures and poverty.

We know that brothels show evidence of rape, human trafficking and drug smuggling. The true scale of trafficking in London remains unknown, but Brent is one of the key priority boroughs in London for trafficked victims.

In Brent there is joint work in operation between the council, Brent Police and external agencies to tackle the problems associated with brothels and the vulnerable prostitutes. Crime Reduction Initiatives support women in exiting the sex industry.

More information and support

• Nia Brent Exiting Advocacy provides non-judgemental support and advocacy to people involved in prostitution.

If you have concerns regarding prostitution or trafficking, please report them to:

• Your local Safer Neighbourhoods Team or 
• Anti-Social Behaviour team

Many victims of modern slavery are trafficked into the UK from overseas and many others (including a significant number of British nationals) are trafficked within and across the UK and held in conditions of slavery.

Victims often feel unable to tell anybody what has happened to them because they are afraid – of deportation, the authorities, and their abusers. Traffickers may keep their victims enslaved by telling them they will be arrested if they seek help. Using victims’ fear about their immigration status to control them is a common tactic used by traffickers and perpetrators of other forms of gender-based violence. Refuge understands this fear.

So-called ‘modern’ slavery includes:

• human trafficking
• child trafficking
• sexual exploitation
• domestic servitude
• early and forced marriage
• debt bondage
• forced labour
• criminal exploitation
• organ trafficking

Child sexual exploitation is a form of sexual abuse that involves the manipulation and/or coercion of young people under the age of 18 into sexual activity.

Sexual exploitation of children and young people involves situations and relationships where they, or a third person or persons, receive something as a result of them performing sexual activities and/or others performing sexual activities on them.

These could be:

• food
• accommodation
• drugs, alcohol or cigarettes
• affection
• gifts
• money
• children are often groomed for future sexual exploitation.

More information and support

• Brent Family Front Door: 020 8937 4300
• Local Safeguarding Children Board